Background information
The strange freedom of parenting older children
by Michael Restin
Why kids love to scare their parents – and what this teaches them
10/3/2026
Translation: Jessica Johnson-Ferguson
Children get a kick out of giving their parents a good fright. In terms of their psychological development, there are good reasons for this. I’ve got to know all the stages, and there was only one time I really freaked out.
My son thinks there’s something wrong with me. He might have a point. Why? Because I very rarely fall for his attempts to scare me these days. Being pounced on from behind? Not impressed. I react with a weary smile and by chucking him onto the sofa. An unexpected screech from behind a half-open door? My facial expression is about as animated as Sylvester Stallone’s. Incoming projectile? Sure, I might flinch, but my heart rate stays stable.
After all, I usually know what’s coming.
With over a decade of dad experience under my belt, my sixth sense rarely fails me. We know each other’s tricks and almost finished with the strange game that’s part of growing up: hiding, spooking and being spooked by each other. So what’s behind all this madness? A number of developmental stages a child goes through before it can be a cunning adult.
Out of sight out of mind?
The beginnings are harmless. With children around, you get to know yourself in a new way. You’ll find yourself playing games that would’ve made you roll your eyes a few years prior. Take peekaboo, for example. The classic game teaches babies and toddlers that people and objects continue to exist even when they’re out of sight. The concept of object permanence develops from the age of eight months. In other words, making your face or objects appear and disappear before a child’s eye is more than just a fun game. It’s important training. Besides, the alternation between excitement and relaxation also strengthens emotional resilience and social bonding. It teaches the child that mum or dad are still there, even if they’re out of sight for a moment.
Now you see me, now you don’t
Fast forward a few years and your child has acquired many new skills. At the age of three or four, your little one will probably be into crouching behind the sofa, giggling when you enter the room. He or she will probably be bursting with excitement and struggling to contain themselves before jumping out and shouting «boo!». Whereupon you’ll react with adequate «shock» and laughter as if you’d not suspected a thing. You’ll probably also enjoy this little joint performance, because it’s more than being silly, but a developmental step.
It means your toddler now understands that other people have a different perception. The realisation along the lines of «I know I’m sitting behind the sofa, but the others don’t,» comes into force starting around the age of four. Before that, children often assume that everyone knows what they know. A great place to observe this is at a Punch and Judy show, when children of different ages are in the audience.
Punch leaves the scene for a moment and puts the audience in charge of guarding the string of sausages he’s meant to be taking care of. Soon after, the crocodile comes out and gobbles up the sausages. When Punch returns and doesn’t understand where the sausages have gone, three-year-olds tend to find this confusing.
The slightly older children are in on the fun. They’re able to change perspective and know what Punch has yet to find out. They can empathise with him and also foresee that Punch is about to be startled by the crocodile sneaking up on him while he’s looking the other way.
These kids have what is referred to as Theory of Mind. Children with older siblings often reach this point a little sooner. From that point on, they’re technically able to deliberately trick or frighten others. All they need to do is master their overexcitement that tends to give them away.
Controlling emotions and demonstrating attachment
Even if children understand the situation, they haven’t got the scaring down yet. They’re bursting with tension, excitement and emotion. This means all that fidgeting and giggling behind the curtain will give them away before the planned scare can take place. After all, they haven’t mastered emotion regulation yet. Instead, their anticipation’s building and their reward centre firing from all synapses. So much so that it doesn’t really matter how the situation unfolds. In other words, it doesn’t really matter if their target is startled or not. The result will always be a fit of laughter.
What a golden age. The children have reached the laughing peak of their lives – and all of their games with a little thrill at the end are a compliment to the parents. Because every new attempt to scare them is like a small sign of confidence: the child isn’t afraid of their reaction, but feels safe and secure. So let your kid enjoy these little moments of power reversal while you continue to feign a reaction. After all, at an early school age, children’s methods become more cunning, and you may be spooked for real for the first time.
Here comes poker face
At age six to eight, children develop the ability to control their emotions to the point where you won’t necessarily be able to know what they’re up to. It’ll be silent behind the sofa and the curtains perfectly still. The children will have learnt to wait quietly for you, their victim. Their impulse control, another important development step, has improved significantly.
The ability to control emotions means you sit and wait, act strategically and benefit from this in many areas of life. This was demonstrated by the famous marshmallow experiment. That tempting experiment where children had the choice of eating a marshmallow immediately or sitting patiently in front of it for 15 minutes and getting another one as a reward.
The marshmallow experiment was first carried out in the 1960s and has been repeated countless times. It’s well documented that there are positive long-term effects for children who’ve mastered delayed gratification strategies. The good news is that you can learn and train this skill. And this is exactly what a child is doing when it wants to frighten someone: it’s resisting the urge to jump out immediately and, instead, waiting for the greater reward that is the perfect moment to scare their «victim».
In view of this, it’s a good thing if your kids are into these pranks. It means they’re having fun and training their impulse control at the same time, gradually achieving better results. When my kids reached this age, I must admit that I wasn’t so smug about every ambush anymore, but was genuinely startled from time to time. If you have older children, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
The perfect parent scare
From around the age of ten, children can match your intentions with theirs, put on a poker face and lie to your face with an innocent look in their eyes. They can also use the power of cunning to lure you onto the wrong track. There’s nobody giggling behind the sofa anymore. But there might be a light that’s been left on in the kids’ room.
Like a moth to a flame, you’ll go in and go over to close the wardrobe door that’s been left open a bit. What used to be your kid’s favourite hiding place has just become a trap that will close shut if you stick your head in. These surprises will catch you off guard. They tap into the full range of complex social dynamics. Congratulations, your child’s almost ready for the big world out there.
It’s not funny anymore
By the time that time comes, they’ll have properly toughened up the parents. The daily dose of madness usually ends when the children start pulling more and more of their pranks on their friends. Unless you have a funny guy like YouTuber maexx on your hands. He just never stopped spooking his parents and feeds his social channels with their reactions.
Watching those scares me more than the thought that my children don’t seem to think it’s worth scaring me anymore. I’m fully aware that I’ll start missing these playful, funny, «scary» moments. Well, all bar one.
The biggest fright of them all
The only times I’ve felt actual shivers down my spine weren’t because of pranks, but real-life situations. The worst one happened one or two years ago. I was shuffling through our dark apartment, totally relaxed, thinking everyone was sound asleep.
If you’ve ever let your guard down in that kind of setting, turned around only to see a drowsy child standing one metre behind you, you’ll know it feels like a horror movie come true.
Header image: Shutterstock/Smile19
Michael Restin
Senior Editor
Michael.Restin@digitecgalaxus.chSimple writer and dad of two who likes to be on the move, wading through everyday family life. Juggling several balls, I'll occasionally drop one. It could be a ball, or a remark. Or both.
Background information
Interesting facts about products, behind-the-scenes looks at manufacturers and deep-dives on interesting people.
Show allThese articles might also interest you
Background information
First world problems: when children don’t know what to wish for
by Michael Restin
Background information
"Christmas is the perfect setting in which hidden conflicts can lead to separation"
by Martin Jungfer
Background information
A visit to Switzerland’s only children’s museum
by Martin Rupf
7 comments
later